Bat Country❖Pool Supplies NEW! ★ A Provider of Pool Supplies ★ Est. 1973 (unverified) ★
Corporate / Newsroom

Company Statements

The following statements have been issued by the Company’s Communications Desk. All statements are, at the time of issuance, accurate to the best of our understanding. Subsequent revisions may or may not be announced.

TOURNAMENT-GRADE SHARK™ released to the general public.

Reports of the SHARK™ exhibiting behavior consistent with its design have not been substantiated. The matter remains open.

Bat Country Pool Supplies announced today that the TOURNAMENT-GRADE SHARK™ has completed its pre-release evaluation and is now available for civilian acquisition. The SHARK™ has been shaped from the outside inward, and its fin has been reinforced at the request of Legal.

A Product Oversight team member, who asked not to be named, confirmed that the SHARK™ had completed a final inspection and declined to comment further.

— Issued by the Bat Country Pool Supplies Communications Desk.

Reference Card Review Enters Fourth Month.

Comparisons of pool-water readings to the Reference Card remain, for the moment, advisory.

The review of The Pool Test Kit℠ Reference Card has now entered its fourth month. The review is being conducted by personnel with the relevant credentials, and in some cases, without.

Users who obtain a reading consistent with expectations are advised to continue. Users who obtain a reading inconsistent with expectations are advised to make a note and proceed.

A revised Reference Card is expected in due course. A revised expectation is expected in due course as well.

— Per a spokesperson who declined to provide a name.

7th Recline Position Remains Unauthorized.

The Executive Cabana Lounger™'s 7th recline position has not, at this time, been authorized for general use.

Bat Country Pool Supplies reminds customers that the 7th recline position of the Executive Cabana Lounger™ is, and remains, unauthorized for general use. Reports of customers attempting the 7th position have been received and filed.

Only users who have been appointed are permitted to recline the Lounger past the 5th position. The criteria for appointment are maintained by Legal and are not, at this time, in circulation.

— Issued by the Office of Seating.

Maintenance Team Confirms Biweekly Convening.

The Maintenance team confirmed its previously announced biweekly schedule remains in effect.

In a brief internal memo, the Maintenance team confirmed that it continues to convene on a biweekly basis. The memo was circulated to all authorized parties.

The Maintenance team declined to specify which Tuesdays.

— Per an internal memo, obtained.

Heritage-Line Pool Noodle™ Allocation Opens.

A limited production run of the Heritage-Line Pool Noodle™ has been released.

Each Noodle has been extruded in a single continuous motion by a member of our team. No two Noodles are identical, though several are similar. The extruding technician's initials are applied to a file that is not in circulation.

Allocation will remain open until inventory has returned to a level consistent with expectations.

— Issued by the Materials Desk.

Company Acknowledges Continued Existence.

In response to inquiries, the Company confirms it continues to exist.

Bat Country Pool Supplies, in response to informal inquiries received through the Contact form, wishes to confirm that the Company continues to exist. Operations remain ongoing. The team remains assembled.

No further comment is being issued at this time.

— Issued by the Senior Logistics Attaché.

For additional information, contact the Communications Desk. The Desk does not, at this time, respond to follow-ups.